Hibernation Mode

I'm starting with a few pictures and a video here--as I know that's what you've all been coming back to the blog for anyway! Long blog post follows though.

Dave took this picture tonight at the gym with his phone, so it isn't that clear, but it's Keller at the very top of the gigantic rock-climbing wall! He has been climbing for about a year now, first weekly at a class, and then sporadically whenever Dave took him. They're trying to go more often now, and Keller made it to the top 4 times tonight, on two different tracks. I'm so proud, but then I am also aware that an urge and ability to climb high isn't the best thing for a six year old to have!

Here's Marley checking out a Sesame Street video in our toy room:

"The Grandkids"--Keller, Casey, Marley, and my nephews Kale & Shane

Casey & Marley walking home after we took Keller to the bus stop:


This is a pretty funny video of Marley attempting to crawl on the living room floor. She kept sliding backwards and I kept laughing, so we did it over, and over, and over again!



Greetings from the Huffman Cave where we are currently in full-out hibernation mode! I've been flooded with emails and phone calls this week, and just haven't had a chance to catch up with everyone. I would blame it on the adjustment our family is going through. . .but that would be a fib. Our transition has gone incredibly smoothly so far. My MIA status is actually because I am completely and totally sucked into the "Twilight" series of books. Slightly embarassing, but 100% true. I had read half of the first book before we left for China. I finished the first book and read the entire second book on the way over there. Then I spent a few minutes every night kicking myself in the butt for not bringing along the third book, which my brother-in-law had given me for Christmas. It was one of the things I was most looking forward to about returning home--laying in bed and reading! I started reading the third book on Sunday night, finished it Wednesday, and am half way through the fourth book now. Even worse. . .I went to the 10pm showing of the Twilight movie on Tuesday night, by myself. The kids were sleeping and Dave had work to do, so I spent two hours immersed in a Vampire love story. Hee hee. I'm still not completely adjusted to the 13 hour time difference, so I've been staying up until around 1:30 or 2 every night--why not read and go to movies, right?

Back to the family adjustment though, as I'm fully aware that no one checks this blog as a means of keeping up with my reading obsession. Things are going really, really well. Surprisingly well. Keller has taken his big brother role to a different level now that Marley is here. When Casey came along, Keller was only 2 1/2 and disinterested at best. Now at the mature age of 6, he's just been terrific. If I leave the room for a second, he practically jumps into my seat so he can feed Marley, or starts rolling her ball on the floor with her. I am touched by his sweetness with her. It is not surprising that he is nurturing with her, but I am impressed with the level. Casey has been a little less interested in taking care of Marley, and a little more interested in spending time in her crib, high chair, and stroller! We expected this from him. It's pretty funny to see this child, who up until we left for China still seemed so young and small--but now he looks like a giant sitting in the high chair or laying in the crib. He seems so heavy all of a sudden, too! I can't believe that less than a month ago I was sometimes carrying him home from the bus stop. Every time I try to pick him up now, my arm muscles complain about it! He has taken it in stride though, being bumped out of the 'baby' position in the family. He seems to understand that her needs are going to take priority at times, and although he will sit and say "Mom!Mom!Mom!Mom!" so many times in a row that I think I'm going to lose my mind, he is getting better at waiting.

All of that said, they are pretty hungry for outside attention anytime we have a visitor or see someone out in the neighborhood. Their antics usually include some combination of dancing on the furniture, yelling loudly, and doing flying leaps in front of people's faces when attention is turned solely to Marley. Again, this is as expected, and was par for the course when we had visitors even before Marley came along.

Marley is making huge strides in many areas already. Tonight I was looking at some of the pictures and videos from the first days we had her with us in China and it is hard to believe that only 2 1/2 weeks have passed. She is a very confident walker now, even walking backwards and sideways. She signs "more" spontaneously when we're feeding her and tickling her. She doesn't scream (as much) in the bathtub. She even opened her mouth voluntarily for me to brush her teeth tonight. She says "Hi" and "Mama" with some coaching, and repeats sounds by watching my mouth and then trying to copy what I'm doing. She is pretty proud of herself for working up enough leg and core strength to lower herself down and stand herself up from an elevated spot (like a stool or the bottom step). She likes to nod her head "yes" vigorously when I tell her "no" for something she's not supposed to do. Her balance has improved enough that she can walk along kicking a ball across the room without stumbling at all. These are all things that children her age should have mastered long ago, we realize this. But she has made all of this progress in less than three weeks, so we have no doubt that she will be catching up soon in many areas. And the eating thing--goodness, the woman can put away some food. She ate a huge can of chunky soup for dinner tonight. She needs the calories, with all of the exercise she is getting now. When Dave and I first started trying to see if she could walk in the hotel room on that first day in Nanjing, she could barely make it across the room. She needed our arms for support, and couldn't stop without falling into someone (or something). She couldn't turn herself around, and couldn't sit down without just falling completely backwards like a stiff board. She would break out in a sweat after less than 10 minutes of moving around. She is so different now and I am so in awe of how much this child has changed in such a short amount of time.

Today she had her first visit with the Internation Adoption doctor in Fairfax. He is an expert at all of the many challenges that come along with living in sub par conditions such as a Chinese orphanage. This appointment was for a physical exam and to get referrals for various specialists. We will go back in 2-3 weeks for a developmental assessment, and will follow that with another in 3 months to see what delays may remain which would need some Early Intervention services through the school system. Marley has two known "special needs"--her cleft palate and the hole in her heart. The first priority is to have a new work-up done by the cardiologist to see the status of her heart. The records from China are very old and many important parts were not legible and could not be translated. She has a Ventricular Septal Defect (VSD), which is relatively common in terms of heart defects. (occurs in 1-2 out of every 1000 babies). Our hope is that hers is a small one and will close on its own, but we won't know until we have some tests done. She will see the cardiologist in the next couple of weeks. Once her heart is assessed, we'll be able to figure out when to do her palate surgery. Her type of cleft palate is pretty mild and doesn't give her any trouble now, although the sooner it is closed, the better in terms of speech development. Another specialist we will see is a Neurosurgeon due to two things. First, she has a 'sacral dimple.' These are common (you probably know someone who has a little dimple at the top of their bum) and usually not a sign of anything to be concerned about. When one of my boys was born, we thought he had this, but it turned out he didn't. Anyway, the neurosurgeon will take a look at this for us, since it is right at the end of her tailbone and falls under the umbrella of spinal evaluations. And second, Marley's head is shaped a bit oddly. It is very flat in the back, which is common (even in the US) for babies who spend too much time laying in one position in their cribs. You have probably seen a baby or toddler wearing a white plastic helmet of sorts, which is meant to correct a flat spot. In Chinese orphanages, the cribs don't have mattresses and are basically plywood with a bamboo mat over top, so many Chinese orphans have flat heads. She also has a pretty big forehead. It's a good sign--her brain needed a place to grow and her head accomodated, but we need to rule out any issues with her head. It is possible that something is wrong there, that maybe her skull plates fused prematurely and she could need surgery. That is worst case scenario, though. Although we were reminded frequently by strangers in China that flat heads and big foreheads are signs of intelligence to them, we want to make sure that everything is okay. This concern is not something we had any knowledge of before we met Marley, but it of course doesn't change anything other than giving us a little something extra to worry about. Just as Keller and Casey are the loves of our lives and we would do anything they needed, without question. . .such is our love for Marley and our desire to give her everything she needs.

Some of you, who have not experienced adoption or have no knowledge of 'special needs' may be scratching your head a bit and wondering why we chose this particular path for adding to our family. You might even wonder if we have any regrets. If you had spent time with us in China or get to spend any time with Marley, you probably wouldn't have to ask yourself those questions. I had the pleasure of getting to know four other families from our agency when Marley and I were in Guangzhou. All five of our children were 'waiting children' on a special needs list. Two were little boys with cleft lips and palates. Both had already had surgical repairs and had no limitations. They were handsome, sweet, lovable little boys, one of whom we have a tentative arranged marriage with for Marley! (Jean, if you're reading this, tell Marley's 'intended' that we miss him!) One two year old little girl is missing one forearm and hand. But she, too had no limitations. I sat and watched her in total amazement at dinner one night. She was able to use her 'little arm' and her other hand to hold and drink from a glass cup without spilling a drop. I don't even let Keller use a glass and he's a six year old, with two hands! She was spunky and feisty and had a definite presence in our group. And dimples--goodness the girl had some cute dimples on her always-smiling face. (Charlene, we miss you guys, too!) And there was one other little girl in our group who truly amazed me. She is three years old and is missing one arm from right around the elbow, as well as three fingers on her other hand. The first night I met them, I watched in awe as she shared an Ipod with her new daddy. She flipped through the songs, held his ear bud up to his ear for him. . . it was really something to watch. She could feed herself, carry her own things, and even surprised her mama by mastering stringing beads with no help or instructions! (Jill, we miss you! My son is so jealous that he didn't get to go to China after hearing all about your son and his similar personality!) All of our kids were not considered to be 'healthy' and were therefore not matched with the long line of families who are currently waiting for referrals (the wait right now is slinking towards 4 years for a healthy, young infant girl from China). But they are such normal, happy, little people--beyond worthy of the love of a family. They are tremendous gifts to their families who can't imagine children who are more 'perfect' in every way. And in China, you would also have seen what happens to these kids when they don't find families. Outside of the Chen Family Academy we saw several beggars, each of them with an obvious physical disability. In China, there aren't curb cuts or ramps leading into buildings. . .there aren't good education options for people with physical or mental special needs. . .imagine how much worse it is when those people in need are orphans. They don't have families who can look beyond their differences and advocate for them. They end up on the streets, or with very limited options. It is different there, and I am so eternally grateful that Marley is now here where everyone who meets her falls in love with her immediately and doesn't think about the fact that she needs a little patching up.

We are in hibernation now, working on our attachment with Marley. Adopted kids tend to fall into two camps--one camp is the kiddos who are terrified of every new person, sight and sound. They scream a lot, cling to one of their new parents (often totally scorning the other) and sometimes shut down completely while they grieve and deal with the changes in their lives. The other camp is the kiddos who are very happy with everyone they meet, love to give hugs and kisses, hold hands, and be held by everyone who crosses their path. Although the first camp is probably a little more unnerving initially, the second camp is also not an easy place for adoptive parents to visit. It means that their child doesn't really know the difference between a stranger and a family member, or know that their affections should be exchanged within a small, intimate family group. Although we were hoping to get really lucky and be one of the few families who ends up somewhere in between the two camps, Marley falls into Camp #2 at this point. She happily greets everyone and has yet to show any stranger anxiety. We need to work on this. She needs to learn that there is a hierarchy among all of these new people in her life. That Dave & I, Keller & Casey are her closest allies. Then we can work more on the next circle of family & friends, and eventually we'll work on how not to flirt with the random pediatric resident in the doctor's office ;) So, we are laying very, very low now. We hadn't been leaving the house much anyway, but after asking the doctor for some pointers today, we are really going to be keeping close to home as much as possible. The more time Marley has with just us, the quicker she will learn what she needs to about attaching to us. So although we hate to keep people at a distance, give us a few weeks, maybe a month, and then we'll be ready to start introducing Marley to more people. The doctor today was really funny when he was talking about this need to hibernate. He explained that we need to tell people when they meet her that they shouldn't try to pick her up or hold her. Even if she wants them to--they should turn her around and tell her "Go let Mommy/Daddy hold you" and then when we pick her up, we should say, "Only Mommy/Daddy holds you." This will not last forever, but is really important that people respect this need and understand that it is not personal, and that Marley will be free to jump into their arms once we have some time to bond as a family. Then he said the funny part--he said he lives in fear that he's going to go out to the parking garage some day and be attacked by a squadron of disgruntled grandparent snipers who are pissed that they weren't allowed to hold their newly-adopted grandchildren right away ;)

In the meantime, I'll try to keep the blog updated and promise to respond to emails and calls (as soon as I finish my book).