Sorry I didn't add a new post or pictures last night. I have to be honest and admit that I am struggling here a bit. Marley is very easy-going, eats well, sleeps well, loves to play, is making rapid progress on her balance, etc. However, it is incredibly lonely for me now that Dave is gone. The weather is brutal outside (20s and overcast) and I have not had anything set up with my guide for yesterday or today. It is really important that Marley gets rest and stays warm so her ear infection will clear up before all of our flights, so I am not really interested in bundling her up and going to walk the cold, damp streets of Nanjing. There are not many sight-seeing destinations that are indoors around here, either. So, she and I have been stuck in the hotel all of yesterday and will probably be inside all day today as well. To make things worse, I have been sick in the stomach and the smell of Chinese food put me over the edge last night at dinner time. I was able to feed Marley dinner in the restaurant at the hotel, but had to leave without eating a bit for myself. We both crashed at 7:30 last night, and at 8:30 there was a very light knock on our door. It was this very sweet waitress from the restaurant who speaks a little English. She brought me a tray of food and said she was worried that I had not eaten at dinner and she knew I needed to take care of myself and stay strong. It was a very sweet gesture, but as soon as she left, I put the tray of food in the bathroom and closed the door because the smell was making me gag. I love Chinese food, I just don't know how much of it I'll be eating while in China! At least I can say that I had some yummy fried eel for dinner one night while Dave was still here!
I had breakfast with my guide, her son, and her husband this morning and I was so relieved to see them in the restaurant that I broke down in tears. I am very homesick and miss the boys to a degree I didn't realize possible. It has been a hard time for me since Dave left on Thursday night.
But I talked to my mom, the boys, and then let loose and had a major meltdown while on the phone with Dave--all of which have made me feel better. I needed to hear my boys' voices, to have my mom tell me that everything would be okay, and to have Dave's reassurance that I'll survive the next week without him.
Tomorrow our guide is going to take us to an indoor play gym for awhile, and then to do some shopping. I don't have much room in my bag for goodies, but need to get some essentials like diapers and this little fast-melting cereal that Marley can't get enough of. I have heard other adoptive parents refer to it as "baby crack" because the kids just can't get enough of it! It will just be nice to get out of this very nice, but very lonely hotel for the day. On Monday morning, she will come play with Marley so I can pack all of our stuff and then we'll head out for some sightseeing before we go to the airport to fly to Guangzhou.
I am so looking forward to being in Guangzhou. I will be with 4 other families from our agency for all of the sightseeing and appointments we have during the week. And there are three other moms who I've been exchanging emails with for months who will be staying at our same hotel, so I'm hoping to meet them in person as well. I'll be able to do some shopping for souvenirs, get my laundry washed (you cannot imagine how uncomfortable line-dried underwear are for the first 1/2 hour or so when you put them on!), and just be around other families who are experiencing adoption. It will be much warmer there, so venturing out will be easier. Many Chinese people in Guangzhou speak English, which will help with everyday interactions.
I promise to take some new photos of Marley after she wakes up from her nap and I'll get them uploaded ASAP. She is really just the sweetest little thing and only has a fit when I'm giving her all of the medicines or when I go into the bathroom and she can't see me. Both good signs! The medicine is gross and it's good to know she shares that opinion. And the fact that she worries when I am out of her sight is a really good sign that she trusts me already.
Keep the emails and comments coming. I am feeling better after my meltdown, but could still use some pick-me-ups and loving words from friends and family back home.
6 comments:
Holly-
I have anxiously followed your emails everyday. I so look forward to them. I shut out the others (my family) when I am reading them. Your journey has been so inspiring and emotional for me. I know you can handle a week by yourself. It's really nothing compared to everything you have already done. Marley looks & sounds amazing. I love looking at her. How you worried so & look at you. Miss u &
can't wait to talk live. xoxo, amy
Glad that you are starting to feel better! I'm sure it seems endless right now, but this will pass and you will be home with your family soon. Sounds like this is good bonding time for Marley - heck by the time you get home you probably won't even be able to get to the bathroom by yourself :) If you still have tummy issues see if your guide can help you find ginger (capsules) - it will do wonders for you! You may feel lonely - but you are not alone - we are all right here following along with you and sweet Marley! :)
DawnS
Holly,
I am in tears...of such happiness for this bond you already have with Marley---the way she feels about you is so evident in the videos---the way she looks at you is priceless. I can feel your sadness, too. I hope that gets better and I am sure GZ will be a more comfortable place to be...the time will fly...
Feel better soon, keep Marley warm, and enjoy this quite time while you can.
Thinking of you...
Holly,
We have the same LID, not sure if you remember me, (onemore on RQ). I saw your post on CHI, I knew you had a blog, so I finally tracked it down. I have been exactly where you are and know how you feel as so many of us have. I think it is so important and brave that you are being so honest...adoption is not easy. It is wonderful, but not easy. I think it is so important for the new parents behind you to hear the realities of adoption....the good, bad and the ugly.
If you want privately email me at sallyreed@sbcglobal.net and I will keep in touch with you via email. I will even call you at your hotel. It seems like we just left GZ.
We have been home a month tomorrow. Our son is going to be five next month, but in many ways he was more like a 2-3 year old. In one month, he has caught up a lot, but he also has greater needs than we originally expected.
Your post reminds me of when we adopted our 4 year old from Guatemala. The anxiety and fear can easily take over when you are in an unfamiliar foreign land. That adoption was way harder and her needs turned out to be far less.
This too shall pass, but you need to be encouraged and supported right now. I certainly would love to do that for you!
Holly,
Hang in there! I have not BTDT, but I can offer hugs and prayers for you. Your new daughter is beautiful!!! Just keep looking at that face and the next week will fly by!
Love from a soon to be adoptive mom
Hang in there Holly. You are almost to GZ! I'm not sure if you have had the opportunity to visit the Nanjing Museum. It is pretty neat and we bought a jade necklace for Aiden there so he has something from his province. (And it is indoors). The same day we went to the museum we also visited the city gate. It is outside but really neat to see. (If you miss it I can send you our pictures :). I don't know what hotel you are at, we were at the Mandarin Garden Hotel. Around the corner is a neat temple and major shopping as well as the waterfront. I imagine it will be pretty cold along the waterfront but it was a really neat area. Also, if you are near the Mandarin Garden we had our laundry done across the street for cheap and it was ready the next day. (I should have sent that to you sooner).
Hang in there. Your daughter is beautiful!
Diana
Mom to Aiden-born in Suqian home almost 14 months!
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