I swear, the stuff my kids come up with is funny enough to (almost) make up for all of their collective rotten-ness.
Casey, upon being asked if he made any new friends in kindergarten:
"Yes, but not ______, I don't know what he eats but his 'foats' smell really bad."Keller, after spending 10 minutes on the toilet, yells out grenade thrower style:
"Fire in the hole!"Keller, while contemplating body temperature:
"Why don't people just pee in their socks if they want to warm up?"Keller, while the kids and I played a torturous game of doctor, where I was the unwilling patient:
"What appears to be the problem, miss?" Me: "I get headaches when my kids are too noisy."
Keller:
"Oh, and you appear to have a bad case of wrinkles."Later in the same 'game'. . . Keller:
"Miss, you are so sick that you might slip into a colon."After I explained the difference between a colon and a coma. . .Keller:
"Now that you mention it, you seem to have a swollen gluteus maximus."Casey, after watching Zathura:
"Hi, bee-ox!" (bi-atch)
Me: "Where did you hear that?"
Casey:
"Dora." Keller, to Casey, after watching Zathura:
"You're such a ditch" He missed the mark by a few letters (drop the 'tch' and add a 'ck'), but he doesn't know that, so I sent him to time out anyway.
That concludes my parental warning on the movie Zathura ;)
Two days ago, Keller wrote me a note after getting in trouble. He is an amazing reader, but his spelling is truly atrocious. See if you can figure out his message:
"dear mom, i cod ov mad a bettr disison. i just want you to no i wil aways be wiht you." Marley had her own little funny today. She spilled crackers all over the place and I told her to clean up her mess. She shoved one in her mouth and said,
"I did clean up." in her sassiest speech-delayed tone of voice.
And I'll conclude with my favorite "out of the mouths of babes" for the week . . .
Last night I was helping Keller and Casey straighten their room (ok, really, I was yelling and stomping and having a fit about their messes). I asked, "And why do I keep stepping on pieces of scotch tape?"
Keller:
"Oh, that's from when I waxed myself."