Day 2 of adventures in China

Marley slept like an angel, all through the night until we finally woke her up at 7:30 to get ready for the day. I wish Dave & I could say the same. He is doing a little better than I am, and is used to functioning on about 6 hours of sleep/night. But, I am really struggling with sleeplessness at night and have not been able to force myself to skip an afternoon nap in hopes of sleeping better at night. There is a 13 hour time difference, and our bodies are still functioning on home time right now. Poor Dave will probably finally adjust right before he heads back on Friday. This morning we took Marley back to the Civil Affairs office to do the official adoption paperwork. It is sometimes called the "red ink day" in adoption lingo because her hand, as well as our thumbprints, are now stamped in red ink on the adoption decree and registration forms. The two people from the orphanage were there and we were able to snap a photo of all of us together. The woman in the photo was the Assistant Deputy Director, I believe, and the man was the person who was in charge of foreign adoptions for the orphanage. Our guide, Xie Jin (aka "Jean") said that Marley's orphanage has only been open to international adoption for 3-4 years now and it is a very small orphanage. We returned the clothes that Marley was wearing when we met her yesterday, except for the Goldilocks hat and the red silk coat. We figured the orphanage could use the other 3 layers for the other children, but the hat and coat will be kept as mementos. The coat is way too big for her, so I think we will take a picture of her wearing it every year on the anniversary of our 'family day' until she outgrows it. I handed her to the woman from the orphanage for a minute to take a picture of them together and she started to cry right away. The worker said that she thought Marley just wanted to go outside because she could see people outside the window working on the street, but then when I reached out to take her back into my arms, she got a big grin and giggled! I think she was worried we were sending her back. Not a chance! After the Civil Affairs office, we went to the grocery store. What an experience that was! We went to an underground parking garage in the middle of the city and then rode up on these crazy escalators that are flat but inclined (no steps) so you can bring a cart up on it. The first floor was more like a mall with private shops and stores, but people push their shopping carts around as if they are in Target. Except a little more recklessly than we're used to, and with lots of staring at our peculiar-looking little family unit. The second floor of the store was the actual grocery store and it was huge. We were able to stock up on a ton of supplies including food, snacks, wipes, diaper rash cream (can't believe I didn't think to pack that), water, juice, etc. for a total of about $50. The check-out was interesting to say the least. We had to move to a different lane because the one we were in wouldn't take a credit card and we didn't want to spend all of the Chinese money we had already exchanged. So we got in the other line and it turned out they wouldn't take the card either. We didn't know we needed to take our own bags (and don't have any grocery bags with us here, anyway!) so we tried to stuff as much as we could into our already-full backpack and a produce bag. We ended up paying for a grocery bag, which we were happy to do. If only we had known it was an option all along! One interesting tidbit--we couldn't find dental floss anywhere, and our impression is that our guide, as well as the store employees, weren't that familiar with the product. There was a lot of pantomiming and a thorough search of the dental care section, but no floss to be found anywhere in the store. Marley has a runny nose and a little bit of a cough, so our guide thought we should take her to the 'clinic' here in the hotel. We got there and after searching for the 'doctor' forever, a hotel employee brought up a woman who works in the 'pharmacy.' I'm using 'quotes' for all of the vocabulary that I am using loosely. The 'doctor' checked Marley's throat with a gigantic yellow flashlight, listened to her breathing for awhile, and then stuck a digital thermometer in her armpit. By this point, Marley was screaming her head off and looking at us like, "What are you letting her do to me?" Her temperature was slightly elevated, although that would seem reasonable considering we have to dress her in so many layers of clothing to avoid being chastised by people in the streets, and also considering the fact that she was screaming. The 'doctor' told our guide that Marley "might be developing a very mild case of bronchitis" and suggested we take her to the children's hospital here. We had driven by the hospital in the morning on the way to the Civil Affairs office, and it was swarming with a huge crowd of people outside. Jean told us that the hospital sees 2,000 children/day. Dave and I decided that we would feel better relying on our own parenting experience and we felt that she didn't really need to go to a hospital full of hundreds of sick kids. It is not possible to make any kind of appointment for her there, so we would have had to go and wait. It was 11:00 and Jean said if we got there and registered right away, we would probably be seen after the lunch break, which would have meant waiting until 2pm at the earliest. No way! We brought her back here, fed her a good lunch, and she took a nice 2 1/2 hour nap. She still doesn't have a fever, and she only coughs a few times/hour, so we're not too worried. If she takes a turn for the worse, we can reconsider, but for right now, I think we're fine with our arsenal of Children's motrin and cold medicine if we need it. One final note--the drivers, cyclists, and pedestrians here are all bold and reckless, putting it mildly. There don't seem to be any traffic laws at all and I think we had about 20 near misses this morning alone, and that was just driving 10 minutes away. Mom--you would be white-knuckling every trip here. It is truly something you have to see to believe. We're off to find some dinner and then come back to call the boys in a bit. Keller & Casey--we miss you so much! You wouldn't believe some of the things we have seen here. We can't wait to come back as a family in a few years when Marley is older and you can all see what China is like. I hope you're being good boys and enjoying your visit in PA. Don't wear out Grammy and Aunt Heather!

Squeaky clean

Here is a picture of Marley post-bath. She didn't like the bath at all, but was happy once she was dried off and dressed. She especially loved her new shoes. She kept looking at them, taking a few steps, then stopping to look at them again. She came to us in a brand new pair of little boys tennis shoes that were about two sizes too big, so I'm sure she was pretty excited about her fashionable new kicks!

Introducing. . .Marley Rae Xinhe Huffman!

She's beautiful, sweet, tiny, and perfect! When we went to the Civil Affairs office, it was locked and our guide went to find someone to open it. She came down in the elevator, followed by two people from the orphanage who were carrying our little girl (who happened to be wearing the infamous Goldilocks hat from the last set of pictures we received of her!). She was tired, hungry, sweating under 4 layers of clothes, and had a wet diaper--but she didn't really complain much. The paperwork and exchange of info was very brief today and then we came back to the hotel. We tried all of the kid snacks we had with us, but what she really loved was shrimp dumpling soup! We fed her, changed her diaper and put on a fresh outfit, and she has been happy as can be since then. She has not napped yet though, so we may be heading towards a meltdown. She loves to walk and play. She really seems to like Dave and is keeping him entertained right now. We'll post more later, but here are some photos and videos--since I know that is what you've all been wanting to see!

We're in China!

We made it! It has been a very, very long journey to get here, but we are finally at our hotel in Nanjing. It took 27 hours from the time we left our house until the time we checked into our hotel here. Now it's the middle of the night, but Dave and I are wide awake and hungry for lunch :) We were able to use Skype to call my mom's house to check on the boys and it sounds like all is going pretty well there.

We will meet Miss Marley Rae Xinhe Huffman tomorrow at 1:30pm China time (we're 13 hours ahead of east coast time at home). Hopefully we'll be able to post pictures soon after we are back here with her. She may not be smiling in the pictures, as I'm sure tomorrow will be a very traumatic day for her, but she's stuck with us! So we'll muddle through and do our best to love on her and help her adjust to her new very tall, English speaking, strange-looking parents!

We're leaving on a jet plane. . .

Dave and I will be leaving on Saturday morning to go to China to finally be with our daughter!! We'll arrive in Nanjing on Sunday night and will 'receive' Marley on Monday. We will spend Tuesday doing all of our adoption paperwork. We'll have a few days of sight-seeing, and then Dave will fly home on Friday, January 2nd, to be with the boys. My sister and mom are keeping them in the meantime, and although the boys are really looking forward to spending the week in snowy western PA, I'm sure they'll be excited to see Daddy show up to get them on the 3rd. Marley and I will remain in Nanjing until the 5th, and will then fly to Guangzhou to finish the immigration side of the adoption process. It is going to be very cold in Nanjing--probably 20-30 degrees, and then will be around 70-80 in Guangzhou. This makes packing very challenging!

We have had a rough couple of weeks, but are now looking forward to Christmas and then heading to China to meet the little sweetheart who we've been dreaming of for nine months now.

A sad farewell. . .

Tomorrow we will bid farewell to two faithful and patient companions. It is heartbreaking for all of us. Layla came to us in 1998, when Dave & I had been dating for about a year and a half. We found her at the DC animal shelter and something about her ridiculously vicious-looking teeth made us fall in love with her. She had spent her first two years in an apartment in DC where no one bothered to teach her things like "Don't eat shoes, and if you do, please don't pick the most expensive pair" or why someone would be taking her outside on a leash a couple of times a day when the carpet was a nice comfy spot to do her business. The first few months were hard at times, but the past 10 years have been wonderful. Layla drove to Denver with Dave and I the day after our wedding, and hardly complained when we added Wilson to the crew a month later.

Wilson came from a small ranch in rural Colorado. The family who had raised him for his first three years loved him, but he was too timid to work the ranch and was terrified of the horses, so they found him a new home, with us. Our first glimpse of Wilson involved him nervously pacing in and out of the room, hunched over like a hyena. Again, love at first sight. He didn't pee one single drop the first 36 hours we had him, he was so terrified. It took a couple of weeks to convince him to sleep with us, rather than burrowing into the darkest corner of the walk-in closet in our first apartment as newlyweds. Again, the first few months were months of learning, but the past 8 years have been great.

Over the years that Layla and Wilson have been a part of our family, they have truly shared in our joys and sorrows. They offered me comfort after a devastating miscarriage, simply by being present and asking for nothing more than a little eye contact and a spot to snuggle next to me. They welcomed the boys into the family and patiently waited for their turn at having some of our attention. They have greeted us every time we have come home, no matter if we were returning from a week of vacation or from a trip to the mailbox. The boys have never known a home without the presence of these two sweet pups.

Layla developed bladder stones about 3 years ago and had surgery for them in February 2006. We thought that the problem was taken care of, but learned that she had developed more stones, of a different type, and needed another surgery in March 2007. When she began to have accidents in the house again this spring, we took her in and were terriby disappointed to learn that she had more stones. She has been on a prescription diet that was supposed to dissolve her stones in 3-6 months. Although she had been making progress it was very slow. At her check-up last Tuesday, after 7 months on the prescription diet, we learned that she still has 20 bladder stones which are big enough to count, and many many smaller ones. We consulted with the vet about our next treatment options, and the heartbreaking news is that we are out of options. Layla's accidents have become more frequent, and it was time to view them as more than a housecleaning issue. With Dave and I being home during the days, she is able to make many trips outside. Her accidents are a sign of the level of discomfort and pain the stones are causing her. She is 12 years old and has had a long and happy life. Our vet encouraged us to let her go while she still has good days and will be remembered as a happy, old dog.

Wilson was diagnosed with a cancerous tumor last January. Our veterinarian started him on a relatively new protocol of medications including a chemotherapy drug, a steroid, and antibiotics. At that time, she gave us the grim prognosis that Wilson had 3-6 months to live. He has survived and been relatively comfortable for 11 months on the medications. He has outlived every other dog that our veterinarian has tried this medication protocol with. But now, the cancer and the strong medications have taken a toll on him. He sleeps almost round the clock, and he suddenly looks like the tired old pup that he has become. He is 11 years old. We do not want him to suffer and know that he has been living on borrowed time. It is with great pain in our hearts that we will need to release him from his illness now.

The boys are too young to understand much beyond the concept that as of tomorrow afternoon, Layla and Wilson will not be here anymore. Tonight when I went to snuggle with Keller in bed after work, he said that he was thinking about how the dogs won't be there to make the noise of their nails clicking on the floor, or to stand in his way when he's trying to play the Wii. He is realizing that all of these everyday things we take for granted will be gone. Casey said that he has some special medicine at his 'other house' that will make the dogs not be sick anymore. I tried to explain that we have already tried all of the special medicines, and they weren't strong enough to fix what is wrong with Layla and Wilson.

I have been grieving for a week now, since our veterinarian guided us toward this difficult decision. I imagine that the grief will go on for a very long time. The trusting eyes of two very dear souls will close forever tomorrow. It is difficult to balance the joy of bringing Marley home soon with the deep sorrow of losing my first "babies." I grew up with these dogs in a sense. I became a wife, and a mother with their comforting presence always near. I wish they could be here forever. Layla has been with us 10 years, Wilson 8 years. Simply not enough time on earth.

Dave and I will be with the dogs when they ease into their final pain-free rest tomorrow. I can only hope that they will drift off knowing how grateful we are to have had them here for these years, how much they are loved, and how deeply they will be missed.

This week's Gratitude List

What a week it has been. So many ups and downs. . .much to be thankful for but some tough stuff, too. I'm grateful for:

1. Our Travel Approval. It was finally issued from China yesterday, which means we should be able to leave on the 27th and finally have Marley with us on the 29th. The travel plans are still being worked out. And if anyone was planning to surprise us with a million surplus frequent flier miles, now would be the time! Flights are very expensive right now and we are needing to talk about options including Dave & I flying over on separate flights, or Dave not being able to go at all :(

2. Layla and Wilson (a.k.a. "the dogs"). I am thankful for the trusting eyes that follow me everywhere, for their gracious acceptance of being knocked down the 'attention totem pole' continually when things are crazy around here (which is more often than I'd like to admit), and for the unconditional love that only a dog can give. These dogs are truly family members and we are heartbroken to have received some disheartening news about both of their health over the past week or so. We know we are facing some tough times and sad goodbyes in the not-distant-enough future. I told Keller today that I wished you could get a puppy when you're little and it would live as long as you did. I've said 'goodbye' to too many beloved pets in my 34 years of life. But regardless, I am thankful for all of the good times with our poochies.

3. Freecycle. I could make a list a mile long of all of the wonderful things I have gotten for free (hence the name) over the past 3-4 years. A few favorites include: a 32" color TV when ours died unexpectedly two days before a LOST season finale; approximately 8 bazillion Legos that someone passed down to us in two huge garbage bags; and a recent favorite--broken electronics that Keller and Casey have enjoyed taking apart to see how they work. The list of things I've given away on freecycle is equally interesting: our old artificial Christmas tree found a new home this year, for example, rather than sitting in a dump somewhere. If you don't belong to your local freecycle group, JOIN! www.freecycle.org

4. Good neighborhood schools. The Washington Post just put out a list of the top schools in the Northern Virginia area based on the number of students scoring at the advanced level on standardized tests. Keller's elementary school was ranked #4 on the list! Although I have issues with schools being ranked purely based on test scores, it is evidence of the great things going on in Keller's school. Then, US News & World Report published an article highlighting the top high schools in the country. Four Fairfax County high schools made the list, which is impressive. Seven others made the "Silver" level of achievement based on several different criteria. Chantilly High School, which is our neighborhood high school, earned the Silver level recognition. We have lived in our neighborhood since February 2004 and have loved it for many reasons. Having excellent schools in walking distance of our home is another reason to feel 'at home' here.

5. My ESL students. This has been a tough semester of teaching for me. I have a huge class of 30 students, with 6 languages represented. The county budget is a mess and the adult ESL program is going to be hit very hard by cuts. My students, many of whom cannot even write their address without copying it from a card in their wallets, painstakingly wrote letters to the school board explaining why learning English is so important to them. They wrote about how they want to be able to help their children with homework, how they need to be able to understand prescriptions and doctor's advice to take care of themselves and their families, and they wrote about how they want to give back to the people who have helped them as they've adjusted to life in a new country. I challenge any of the anti-immigration folks to read these letters and still walk away feeling like immigrants should be demonized.

That's all for now. I should be able to post our travel itinerary early next week. Thank you to everyone who has offered to help out in many ways!

Last 'birthday' without us, we hope!

Little toe . . . big pain

I had a visit to my foot doctor today and x-rays confirmed that I did, indeed, break my toe yesterday. It is broken with a slight 'displacement' (it didn't line up exactly right when it bounced back into place), but he said it doesn't need any surgery, cast, etc. My toes are taped and I have to wear a special shoe for awhile. I have a follow-up in a week. He said it will be 4-6 weeks before I can do any serious exercise. I'm okay with missing the gym for awhile (in all honesty, I have been finding other, less legitimate excuses to skip the gym lately!), but I can't escape my daily acrobatics of walking kids to the school bus, walking in and out of preschool, standing on my feet to teach night school, running up and down the steps 500 times for all of the things I forget, etc. I must learn to slow down though. It won't be any good for Marley if I come to get her in a full body cast!



Keller had a friend over after school yesterday and the three boys were playing in the living room when I whacked my foot on the corner. I literally had to put both hands over my mouth to keep from unleashing the string of obscenities that was ready to jump out of my mouth. I kept saying "I think I broke my toe. I think I broke my toe. I think I broke my toe." And none of them even turned their heads in my direction. They were engrossed in their gory monster and carnivorous dinosaur books, and could not be bothered to offer kind words or looks of compassion. Boys.

This morning Keller looked at my foot and said, "Mom, your toe is all blue. I think that's good luck." I wish. If I had a pinch of good luck for everytime I've injured myself by moving too quickly and disregarding immovable objects in my path . . . I'd be Lucky the freaking leprechaun by now.



Who knew a little toe could cause such a big pain.

Grateful Thread

We are in Pennsylvania, enjoying visits with extended family for the holiday. It's 8:15am and I'm the only one awake--rare, indeed. Here is this week's installment of my 'gratitude adjustment.' I'm thankful for. . .

1. Western Pennsylvania winter weather. If you grew up in Western PA, winter means something completely different than people from such far away tropical locales as Fairfax, Virginia, where we're lucky to get one or two good snowfalls every year. I always feel like my kids are getting cheated out of quality winter weather, although we are quick to get out the door with our snowshoes and sleds as soon as we see the white stuff falling in VA. Tuesday night we drove through a snowstorm on our way up here, and the kids got to spend Wednesday morning sled riding and building snowmen with their cousin, while snow was actually still falling. They might not get a white Christmas in VA, but at least they had a white Thanksgiving in PA!

2. The 18-wheeler we followed through the snowstorm. If it weren't for this guy's blinking hazard lights and fresh tire tracks which we followed over the mountain, #1 might not be on my gratitude list!

3. Digital cameras. Casey is pouty at best, angry at worst, when it's time for family photo shoots. Between my brother's girlfriend and my mom, they took about 30 pictures yesterday for us, one of which might be salvagable for a Christmas card photo. The rest. . .delete, save for future humiliation, or transfer to disc and forget about them. No wasted film. Now, if I could only become more proficient at Photoshop. . .

4. Turkey and stuffing. 'Nuff said.

And most importantly . . .

5. My family.

Keller and Casey bring me laughter (and ultimate challenges of patience) every day. Watching them learn and grow brings me a sense of hope for the future that I don't believe would be there without them. They are so different from eachother, but each have parts of me and parts of Dave that become more evident as they grow-up. I am always torn between wanting to keep them young and (fairly) innocent, and being anxious to see what kind of people they are going to turn out to be.

Dave has supported me through every goal (a.k.a. crazy idea) that I've set. That's not to say that we haven't had to break out the spreadsheets and flowcharts to work out practical plans for those goals. . .but he has offered me unwavering support and unconditional love on many journeys, including our most recent journey to Marley.

Although Marley isn't here yet, she has brought so much excitement and joy to our family already. We just received an update on her and are thrilled to learn that she is walking now. At 18 months, she was not walking or crawling, which is not at all uncommon for kids in orphanages, but was worrisome to my mama heart none the less. Now, three months later, she is walking and crawling. Time to break out the baby gates and prepare the dogs for another moving object in the house!!

My mom gave me a compassionate heart that is such an imporant part of who I am. She would truly give her last dime to help someone else, even a stranger. She gives so much and never lets a birthday or anniversary pass without sending good wishes to friends, family, co-workers, etc. She is also a big softy. I remember when we would watch my brother's soccer games in high school--he was a great goalkeeper and if his team had a shut-out, my mom would feel so sorry for the other team because they didn't get to score any goals on my brother! A true heart for the underdog.

My dad gave me an ambitious drive (a.k.a. stubborn streak) that drove him crazy when I was younger, but I think makes him proud now. Every time I tell him of a new adventure (like my solo trip to Guatemala last year), he moves quickly from the initial feeling that I'm doing something crazy--to the knowlege that I'm going to do whatever I want anyway--to a sense of pride that I would be brave enough to just do it. My dad and I haven't faced-off in a real argument since my tumultuous teenage years, but I think if we did, he'd hear some of himself coming through!

My sister lived through sharing a room with me for the first 17 years of my life, so she has earned my respect after years of picking up and/or stepping over my messes--both literally and figuratively. She decided this summer that she was going to teach full-time, after graduating with a teaching degree in 1994 and never teaching in a public school. She got hired, is doing a great job of teaching 2nd grade, and has passed her exams to earn her professional licensure. She is managing a full-time job and motherhood better than I could, for sure. Her kids are clean, fed, and their homework is done, which is about all I can manage some days without a full-time job!

My brother is a young-at-heart 31 year old who has more friends than could fit on a fleet of buses. I think they've tried, but the kegs took up too much room ;) He seriously has so many good, close friends who he has shared a lot with over the years. Many are friends he has known since elementary school, which is proof that he is a pretty good guy and worth keeping up a friendship with. He's the kind of guy who has annual fishing trips and beach trips with his buddies that are probably going on 10 or more consecutive years. A guy whose friends are lucky to have him.

Stay tuned for next week's installment of things I'm grateful for, which will hopefully include Travel Approval to go get Marley.

My 'Weekly Gratitude Adjustment'

When you've been stuck at home with two sick kids for. . .oh, I don't know . . . 97 hours and 4 minutes, it is possible to lose sight of the good things in life. The mountains of toxic laundry, the sights and sounds of small children experiencing intestinal distress, and the sinking realization that the health department is going to shut the place down (they've already been here to paint the big black "X" over the door)--all of these things could be considered distractions in my usual quest to stop and smell the roses. Today I found a blog that I really love--funny mama with great perspectives and a sarcastic eloquence that I truly appreciate. She has started including a blog post once a week where she lists 10 things she is grateful for. So, I'm swiping her idea right off her blog, except I'm going to start with 5 things. Hey, don't forget about the sick kid distractions, ok? I'll work up to 10 in time.

Here's my first installment of my 'Gratitude Adjustment' (for the record, that's my own catchy title, I didn't steal that!). This week I'm grateful for:

1. Comfy pants. Right now I'm wearing a pair of Sweet Juliet Boutique brand yoga pants which I found at Marshalls for $12.99. They are like a total lower body snuggly hug. I wish I could wear them every day, and there have been weeks when I've come close.

2. My breadmaker. I've been enjoying the delicious smell of a fresh hot loaf of wheat bread with zucchini for the past hour while it has been baking. My whole family goes ga-ga over the bread. We take no prisoners and show no mercy--the 2 pound loaf will be reduced to crumbs by the end of the night.

3. Dave working at home. He is even beginning to pick up on the giant loud sigh I leave just outside of his office door on particularly tough days. It is not always easy to have him so close but yet so far away in his little 'man cave' off of the kitchen, but the pros far outweigh the cons.

4. The library. Books cost a lot of money, and I wouldn't be able to feed my addiction if it weren't for the good old public library. I usually have no less than 4 books on my nightstand, all of which I am reading at the same time. Well, not technically at the exact same time, but you know what I mean. I typically have one fiction, one non-fiction related to China and/or adoption, one quirky book recommended by a friend, and then usually one that I haven't quite fallen in love with but am not ready to pull the trigger on. Right now my stack includes: "Falling Leaves: the memoir of an unwanted Chinese daughter" by Adeline Yen Mah; "Mountains Beyond Mountains" by Tracy Kidder; "The Tao of Willie Nelson" by Willie Nelson, of course; and "Elvis, Jesus & Coca-Cola" by Kinky Friedman.

5. Express shipping. It was the method by which we received our Letter Seeking Confirmation from China last week, and after signing it and checking the little box that said, "We accept the referral of this child", express shipping is the way it has been sent back to the powers-that-be so that we can go bring our little girl home soon. I can't imagine if we had to wait for our paperwork to go on a slow boat . . .Oh, and express shipping has also saved my backside many times when family members have waited until mid-December to provide wish lists for Christmas. (Hint, hint).

And the winner is . . . . Matt Evans!!!

The boys did the drawing today before school and we'd like to congratulate Matt Evans for winning the Wii game console! Thanks to everyone for your generosity in purchasing tickets. The money will be given to Marley's orphanage when we travel to get her, probably next month!!


I'm not sure why, but I can't get the "live drawing" video to post on our blog right now, but assure you that Matt Evans is indeed the lucky winner :)

Wii tickets have all been sold!

All of our tickets have been sold! We'll do the drawing tomorrow and notify the winner right away. Check back to our blog to see who the lucky winner is!

Update on Wii Raffle

As of 10pm tonight, we only have FIVE tickets left to sell. I promised we'd limit the raffle to 100 tickets, and we've sold 95 already! Thank you everyone! As soon as I see that those five tickets are sold, we'll close the chip-in, and we'll do our drawing earlier than the originally scheduled date of November 26th. We weren't expecting such a quick response!

Fall follies

We've been enjoying some beautiful weather and many good times with friends so far this fall. The boys really got into Halloween this year (and how could they not get into it--with a Halloween party in the neighborhood, parades and parties at both schools, trick-or-treat night, Halloween parade when we camped in mid-October, etc.). They also ran in the Goblin Gallop 1K race again for the third year straight. Keller decided to wear last year's Venom costume for the race rather than his zombie get-up because he felt that Venom suit would give him more flexibility on the race course. Too cute. Casey ran the whole thing without even slowing down for a second. When we were in the car on the way home, he asked if we were going to go "do the gallop now." Poor guy thought that he'd be galloping a race at some point that day.

We have received a piece of good news about Marley, which is that our file has finally been moved to the office which will issue our "Letter Seeking Confirmation." This is the letter China sends to us to confirm that we are planning to come get Marley. It is the last major hurdle in the process, other than booking our travel. The letter has been held up since the end of September due to a clerical error, which blows my mind. Here we are, ready, willing and able to bring her home and meet all of her needs---there she is waiting in an orphanage half a world away---and the thing keeping us apart is a data entry error that led the registration office to believe we had OVER paid our fees. This has been a trying wait to say the least, but once we have that letter, we'll be cleared to travel about 3 weeks after that. We hope to receive our letter next week. I've started working on packing a suitcase for her (at the recommendation of my wise friend Amy who was quick to notice that I was driving myself insane worrying over tiny details like how many pairs of socks to pack for Marley!).

I find comfort in the belief that the trials and tribulations of the adoption process have laid a really strong base for our relationship with Marley. It is a leap of faith to let your heart love a child you've never met, who is so very far away. I am sure my bond with her will be different than my bonds with the boys, just as my bond with each of them continues to evolve uniquely as they grow.

That same wise friend who suggested I start packing Marley's suitcase also predicted that I was heading for a major meltdown about three weeks ago, and she was right. The meltdown happened Thursday morning and I'm not going to lie, it was downright ugly. But, it felt good to let out a bunch of flat out sorrow and I'm doing fine now.

The joys of parenting two boys . . .

Here are three pieces of evidence that my boys' goal in life is to torture me. Each of these three things has caused me to teeter on the edge of laughter vs. crying, but I'm at least leaning toward the laughter side now.

Yesterday Keller asked me how to spell "stinky breath" so I told him, not really wanting to know why he needed to know ;) Fast forward twenty minutes and there is evil laughter from him, followed by angry crying from Casey. Turns out big brother had taped a homemade "stinky breath" label onto a water bottle and offered his little brother a taste of this special potion, which he of course drank a sip of because he is always trying to do whatever his cool big brother is doing. The water . . .well, let's just say it came from the bathroom, but not the sink, tub or shower.

Last night we set up the humidifier in the boys' room because they are both prone to nosebleeds, especially right now with the dry air. Casey came out of the bathroom, wet from the tub and snuggled up in a warm towel. He looked at the humidifier, which I'm guessing he doesn't remember from last winter, and immediately proceeds to drop his towel and "cool his jets" over the cold mist vapor with an elated grin on his face.

And finally, today Casey called me into the bathroom to wipe his bottom for him (which is of course, the greatest joy of motherhood--not). I looked in the potty and
didn't see evidence of any pee to go with the other business, so I questioned him about it. He pointed to the floor and said, I peed over there. I saw a few drops and thought he meant he had accidentally sprinkled a little. Oh no, he had intentionally peed down into the heating vent in the floor. I had to clean the vent cover and then scour the ventilation duct inside because we all know what that would smell like if it wasn't cleaned and the heat kicked on.

These boys . . . they had better take care of me in my old age.

Can one be 'prepared' to become a Huffman?

A few people have asked me lately if Marley is 'being prepared' to join our family. Friends and family would like to know how much Marley knows about us, how much she is spoken to about us, and how often she has seen pictures of us. I don't know the answers to those questions. I know that we have sent two small baby-proof (equals chewable/slobberable) albums filled with pictures of our family. I know that we have sent four care packages, each with a letter asking the nannies to give her hugs & kisses and tell her that her family loves her. I also know that she is only 20 months old, so probably doesn't grasp much at this point. She knows that she has a new snuggly blanket, some snazzy toys, and hopefully she is becoming familiar with the strange-looking people in these albums they keep giving her.

But the question of whether or not Marley is 'prepared' to join the Huffman family gave me cause for reflection today. I mean, anyone who has spent more than an hour with our crew knows that we are a unique group with some truly quirky individuals. So, I'll share a glimpse of what Marley needs to be prepared for . . .

Casey has been working on a project that he refers to as "homemade applesauce" for two days now. So far, this concoction has involved water, juice, pretzels, dry spaghetti, chestnuts, one single peanut, a medicine dropper, a bug vacuum, the controller from our V.Smile game system, an 'enchanted fairy wand' that he made me buy him in NC this summer, a plastic sea lion, a wooden foot massager, and a walkie talkie. If any of those items is moved from his 'laboratory' on the kitchen table, he has a fit and reminds us all that he is working on his "homemade applesauce" and we shouldn't touch it. As further evidence of his wonderful imagination, he has been telling us (and anyone else who will listen) that he has another family in California and that he'll be going to live with them soon. He packed a backpack with his brush and mirror, a Pokemon game, a few books, some plastic animals, and a camera. When I mentioned this to an adoptive parent who I am friends with, she said that this is all very normal for a young child who is gaining a sibling through adoption. But when I told her that his 'other family' happens to be half dog/half human robots . . .she didn't mention the words 'very normal' for the rest of the conversation.

Keller has an absolute obsession with climbing, much to the surprise and shock of some of the other parents in the neighborhood. He climbs street signs straight up to the top, does the monkey bars in our back yard at least 50 times a day (typically shirtless, no matter what the weather) and climbed 20 feet up in a spruce tree during his big birthday bash. He has dance moves that bring to mind visions of electroshock therapy and has an amazing arsenal of ridiculous faces to accompany his moves. He is a prolific artist, drawing all things monstrous and hideous. We have weekly sit-downs where I force him to labor over the difficult decision of which 50 pictures to recycle and which 5 to keep for the week.

And then there is Dave. Let's just say that Dave challenged me to a Moonwalk Contest tonight and won. He forced Keller to watch a video of Michael Jackson doing the original, then we had to give our best efforts. For the record, I think Keller picked Dave as the winner solely because he made him laugh harder than I did, with some sort of funky chicken jutting neck movement thrown in there. That's one contest I didn't mind losing. Dave loves to shower me with cheesy romantic comments which earn him rolling eyes and laughter from me. He can turn any conversation into a song, ranging from Phish to Willie Nelson to Jack Johnson to the Beastie Boys.

I'll leave out all of the ways that I am strange and loud, because most of you reading this already know me well enough. A life-long battle with embarassing clumsiness and the frequent loss of important items (wallet, keys, camera) are some of my claims to fame.

Our house is full of laughter, dancing, some really bad singing, and lots of noise. So, is Marley 'prepared' to become a Huffman? All we can do is hope that the combined commotion of the other 50-60 kiddos at her orphanage have at least given her the ability to roll with the punches, right?!

Keller's Dino Dig!

Still waiting . . .

Thanks to the many folks who have checked in on us to see how things are going as we wait for Marley. We haved passed the tentative 60-90 day timeframe for the phase we are in. We are on day 103 today. Joining the "Century Club" isn't something we had planned on, but it is what it is. There is no problem or reason for concern, the process is just moving very slowly in China for many families right now. Our agency expects us to have our LOA (Letter of Acceptance) by the end of October. The LOA is a letter that the Chinese Center for Adoption Affairs sends to us asking us if we still accept Marley and wish to proceed with her adoption. It signifies that all of the paperwork we submitted is through their review process. We will sign it and send it back to them, and then approximately 3 weeks later, we will receive our Travel Approval (TA). We are still really hoping to be able to bring her home by the end of 2008, but it is out of our hands.

I am currently fluctuating between wallowing in self-pity (with plans to wallow in chocolate and wine as soon as a decent hour arrives!) and feeling at peace with everything. To keep it in perspective, I have been reminding myself that a year ago at this time, Dave & I were still working through questions about if/when we would adopt. A year ago, we didn't know anything about this beautiful little soul who is waiting for us a world away. A year is not a long time in the world of international adoption. But we have been falling in love with her and imagining her in our lives since mid-March now, and these last six months have felt eternal at times. I cannot wait to hear her voice, see her smile, hold her and hug her. I cannot wait for Dave to hold his daughter for the first time, or for the boys to meet this little being who is going to be their sister forever. I cannot wait to know her. . .to know what makes her happy, sad, mad as hell. . .to know what she likes to eat and what she drops on the floor for the dogs . . . to know what she looks like when she's sleeping.

But, wait is exactly what we have to do for now. I mailed a care package to her today. This is the fourth one we've sent her. We sent her a warm blanket and some pajamas for the cool weather, as well as another small toy. I gave the blanket a good squeeze and a kiss before putting it in the box. Just trying to send some extra love her way. Casey helped me pick out some warm socks for her, as we can't imagine letting her little feet be cold. I stuffed the rest of the box full of goodies for the older children at her orphanage, too, as I'm sure there are many who don't know the joy of receiving gifts from a waiting family. I included 18 boxes of Crayola crayons and a huge bag of lollipops. I alway enclose a letter which I translate into Chinese using Babel Fish. I have had one of my Chinese students proof-read letters in the past, but I forgot to do that last night at class, so I am hopeful that the letter I sent wasn't full of grammatical errors, or worse!

Send positive vibes, happy thoughts, prayers---whatever your style is---in our direction as we wait to bring our little girl home.

Point Pleasant Beach August 2008